Gaycation, all I ever wanted.

Its that time of year (Pride season) where a lot of queer stuff makes my heart pitter patter. This weekend I’m heading to Portland Pride to get my booty shake and Rose City love on. It really is one of my favorite things to do all year. Seeing so many lovely folks and being super queer all weekend is a pretty good deal. Especially since Friday night I can get a butch cut $5. as well as hanging out with amazing homos playing sweet jamshere.

On another semi-related note I just saw this re-posted over at sugarbutch.net. Of course, this piece by dear friend and incredibly talented writer Sinclair makes me swoon. I had the privilege of hearing this live last year at Butch Voices PDX. (On a park bench even. Right?!). Go read it now. Unsolicited Advice to a New Butch.

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Good Timing

I was chatting with a friend the other day and reflecting about what poor timing I have. Seemingly, I always show up a little too early or a little too late for my life. Of course, thinking about life this way is a bit …depressing. My friend said, “What about when you’ve had good timing?”

“I keep a list,” as a reminder of when my timing has been good. For the most part this has been a list in my head, harder and harder to recall as the years go by. Today I am resigning to start writing down and reflecting on these moments as a way to remind myself, that I am not destined to ‘miss the boat’ all the time.

Good. Timing.

– That week where I scored the last table on the patio at The Twilight on a perfect, sunny Thursday afternoon and then got to laugh with friends for hours.

– Sitting on the steps in a friends back yard last weekend laughing and talking smack in the waning Sunday sunshine.

I am a big fan of lists in general (duh). I have a few in my wallet, post its all over my computer monitor at work, on my refrigerator, on the chalk board in my kitchen, lists in the form of poems, practical and impracticable, tangible and intangible. A friend of mine actually has a tattoo on her forearm that says “To Do: 1.__________ 2.__________.” I love it.

I don’t use goodreads or even have a very substantial netflix cue, but am pretty much married to my googlereader. Although, I’m (of course) the type to print out a good article/recipe, etc and magnet it to my fridge door. I know, hard copy. I can feel your collective cringing. Herein, is

A list of lists:
1. Bands to listen to and Books to read
2. Things I would like to learn/see/do
3. How to Calm. Down.
4. People I should call
5. Write about
6. Where the $ goes
7. What I love about you (all of you)
8. New recipes to cook
9. Songs with Clapping
10. Places where I get lost

Now on to the doing and being…

Johnny Cash's to-do list (No, really)

Musical Manifestation.

My life is full of funny things, quiet things, nights of friends and beers and revelry without reason, other than the glorious, harmful passion in the green of the city where I sleep. What I want to say is that I have been reading, listening to music, taking long walks, trying to not have crushes. Pretending that I’m good at spending time alone, and then surprising myself when I am. Eating a lot of frozen yogurt.

Manifesting, manifesting, manifesting. Desert homes, travelling, working from anywhere, summers in the city, a little house, fresh vegetables, saving money, springtime in the sunshine, a big dog asleep next to the window, breathing. Safety.

Now, another list. This time, of music that I have been recently enamored with.

– Austra – Feel It Break
– Bill Callahan – Sometimes I Wish I Were an Eagle
– The Black Angels – Phosphorene Dream
– Bon Iver – Bon Iver, Bon Iver
– Buke and Gass – Riposte
– Kathleen Edwards – Asking For Flowers
– PJ Harvey – Let England Shake
– Yellow Ostrich – The Mistress
– Thao & Mirah – Thao & Mirah
– Wild Flag – EP
– The Wheel (Nathaniel Rateliff) – Desire and Dissolving Men
– The Rolling Stones – Sticky Fingers

Something:
I’m not sure what this list says about my mental state right now. I like to listen to the Black Angels, or Wild Flag or The Stones when I’m driving home from work and it is sunny. Like to roll the windows down and play it as loud as I can. Pretend I am thinking about things that make my lips curl into a disinterested snarl. I wake up most mornings with either Asking For Flowers, or Michicant (Bon Iver) in my head. This makes for interesting mornings, and faint whispers of strange dreams. Bill Callahan reminds me that some times things can be so serious and also not serious at all. About how, there’s way too much drama and not enough simple chords. If I listen to Little Cups (Thao & Mirah) one more time, screaming falsetto lyrics into the shower head, hot, overwhelming, alone, I might wrinkle my skin permanently. My feet on the pavement, city scraping over the edges of my finger tips, headphones blaring Polly Jean, Buke and Gass (Who are amazing Live), Austra, Yellow Ostrich. Its all I can do to keep from dancing in a way that is entirely too awkward for the world to see. Then of course, of course when I’m feeling sad I turn on The Wheel, that song about limp hearts, remembering and forgetting, pretending I’m not hurt and can’t be. Forgetting how to cry.

Something Pretty.