>Two posts in one day…I know.

Just found this, and my heart broke all over again. These are the things I need to remember, to remember why. To remember myself, and my lack of breathing.

May Tenth, 2009. (almost a year before our bed became just my bed again).

Sometimes in the middle of the night,
dark and thick and long when
I cannot see you through the closed lids of my wanting I
forget to breathe and behind the walls of my indifferent chest I
begin to shake and manufacture tears that are
made up of the air I can’t seem to drink.
Sometimes in the hours just before
musky quiet city luminaries turn gray and fog into daylight.
When my closed eyes and numb fingers keep me from you
I sit
erect inside my chest
rumbling and hysterical searching
for a way to take a breath, release a teardrop,
open my lips and find your skin.
Sometimes as light breaks through our window,
creeping in together like children off to school,
I wake up screaming,
gasping for air, and grasping for something
and sometimes
it is because I am looking for you,
I am looking for you and
your skin is warm but
you have been gone a long time.
you have been gone such a long time.


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