>Two posts in one day…I know.
Just found this, and my heart broke all over again. These are the things I need to remember, to remember why. To remember myself, and my lack of breathing.
May Tenth, 2009. (almost a year before our bed became just my bed again).
Sometimes in the middle of the night,
dark and thick and long when
I cannot see you through the closed lids of my wanting I
forget to breathe and behind the walls of my indifferent chest I
begin to shake and manufacture tears that are
made up of the air I can’t seem to drink.
Sometimes in the hours just before
musky quiet city luminaries turn gray and fog into daylight.
When my closed eyes and numb fingers keep me from you
erect inside my chest
rumbling and hysterical searching
for a way to take a breath, release a teardrop,
open my lips and find your skin.
Sometimes as light breaks through our window,
creeping in together like children off to school,
I wake up screaming,
gasping for air, and grasping for something
it is because I am looking for you,
I am looking for you and
your skin is warm but
you have been gone a long time.
you have been gone such a long time.